Our mind processes things when it is ready, not before.
In a relationship, that can create tensions. Of course it is a major asset in life to be able to have at home a different perspective that puts the light where we would not put it. It is challenging and it is part of the growing process. As a receiver though, when our partner sheds a light on a side that panics our ego; the light is not welcome, and most likely we will not hear.
It takes love and patience to help our partner going beyond this inability to hear. It also takes to quiet our own ego as well, especially when the message finally sinks in.
When the message is urgent and important, we should always remember that it is our perspective only, and that there is no point trying to force things through. The pitfall or hardship that we want to protect our loved one from might be necessary for that person to grow. Have you noticed how many times we repeat the same mistakes over and over again until one day, finally we can move on. We could have spared ourselves much suffering by learning the lesson earlier, yet we didn’t.
We needed that suffering at some level to be able to make the change.
For the partner who witnesses day after day that recurring mistake that leads us ashtray, it might very difficult to stay neutral: we hate to see people we love suffer. It is tempting to take the lead and force our partner to move in one direction. Not only we will face major resistance but we might create a conflict that will trigger frustration on both sides. That does not mean that we can’t do anything.
We can help by sending a loving message over and over without forcing it ever.
The best analogy I could use to illustrate the power of gentle motion through time is the sea: the sea can polish a rock to the perfection with the same motion over time.
In the world we live in we tend to forget the value of time: the greatest changes need time to be fully integrated.
If we stay focused on the goal, which is to help our partner, we should be patient because when the time is right, our partner will start to hear and take action.