Juliana from Ohio shared with me that the tone of her husband’s voice when he talks to her hurts her. She knows he does not mean to hurt her but she would love to change that.

Habits takes time, a strong determination and a lot of patience to change. That is true in any field.

When it comes to relationship the easy road once again would be to ask the other to change. This road is doomed to failure because one has little power over the good will to change for somebody else. Without will nothing happens.

As always, start with yourself. There is a reason behind the fact that you put yourself in that situation in the first place. The fact that it bothers you shows that you are ready to learn from it.

You will argue that you never asked for him to speak like that to you. Consciously you are right. Unconsciously you are wrong. Think about how empowering this news can be.

If unconsciously you attract a situation, you can decide to stop that pattern. Of course when you make that decision consciously, it is not enough for your subconscious mind. You must reprogram at that level too.

What will happen if you deal with your part in this interaction? For a start you will cease to be affected the way you are. Whatever is at play on his side will meet no response. It is a bit like being on a phone line with no one on the other end: soon you stop speaking and hang up.

It may take some time but that is exactly what will happen.

How to do that?

Please check my post on how to change your comfort zone; you will find there plenty of information about the easiest steps to reprogram you subconscious mind and deal with what is at stake. It may be difficult to think that what you complain about is your comfort zone but it is.

I don’t have enough information to give you more details about your own situation but let me add something important.

Something is at play as well on his side, and his subconscious mind will not let go that easily. Most likely he will find ways to play this differently: it may be at another level, or in another area of your life. Most likely that will hurt you too. How do I know that? Well the partner that we consciously select to spend our life with is the ultimate person to challenge us and make us grow. Our subconscious minds are in partnership for that.

When that happens, work on yourself the same way you did for the hurtful voice tone.

At some point he will realize what is going on with him and then the decision to do something about it will be his.

The good news is that by dealing first with your own issues, you are empowering yourself. You become in charge. For many women it is not an easy step. It meets many blockages inherited from outdated belief systems.

The truth is that a relationship can only be healthy when each participant relies on himself or herself first. Once you take care of you, you can meet the other and exchange on a balanced level.

I hope this helps!