Jenna from Colorado complains about the fact that her husband never wants to socialize. When he comes home from work, all he wants to do is staying home. Jenna finds that boring.

I strongly recommend that you watch this ted talk video about the power of introverts.


Your husband is probably one of them. I have not read Susan Cain’s book so I can’t talk about it. But I can share my own experience.

Ten years ago I went to see a fantastic counselor named Karen Gosling, who is now in Australia, because I was overwhelmed with my life and I felt guilty about it. She handed me a book and asked me to read it before our next session.

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elain Aaron.

This book was a revelation. I could finally understand why I can’t cope with too much stimulation.

From that day I took actions to change my life in such a way that I would have the breaks I need to function.

What Susan Cain highlights really well is that we are pressured to function like extraverts from early school age. For those of us who are introverts, it is unnatural and detrimental. Most of the time we feel dysfunctional and guilty because we see and feel the disappointment in other people’s eyes.

Your husband certainly feels that too. I do not know which job he has, but from what you say, I can easily presume that it does not honor his introvert side. As a result he comes home totally drained, and the simple idea of further solicitation is unbearable.

This has nothing to do with you, or your friends, or anybody else.

I understand that you need for more social life. Why don’t you start to find a middle ground? Before going out with your friends, ask them to come for a quick drink at your house where your husband will join, and make a reservation for your dinner outside so that the drink does not last more than half an hour. Make an excuse for your husband so he can stay home: work to catch up is a pretty good one.

Return dinner invitations over the week-end when your husband has had some time to be by himself.

For some time you might have to go out by yourself. If you love him it is worth it though. You then give him the space to recover, to accept who he is and still be loved.

Trust the fact that soon he will talk to you about the social life he can handle. And you two can work something out that works for you both.

Most people think that introverts are happy by themselves and therefore don’t need anyone else. This is wrong. Introverts need some time alone to rejuvenate and be able to function. They also enjoy social interactions, not all types of social interactions, that’s all.

Just know that if they are forced to be in social interactions all the time, they will choose withdrawal at the first opportunity.

Please talk to your husband and help him accept who he is. And there is nothing wrong in you having a busier social life!

Hope this helps!