For decades we have blamed men for our problems. This was so true that feminists claimed at some point that we would do better without them. Even now, regularly on the internet, jokes promote a women’s world, free of men.
There were some grounds to these positions when men had so much power on women that everything in a woman’s life depended on a man.
The truth is that this no longer applies: women who depend on men are willingly doing so. The choice may be regretted today but a decision has been made at some point. Most importantly, her decision was not forced by a father, a brother or a husband. Of course this is only valid for women in the Western world; we all know that women still face all sorts of abuse in many places in the world with very little freedom.
The Western world is meant to lead, so being part of it, we should show the path for a peaceful fulfilling relationship between men and women by taking our responsibilities.
If women are so unsettled today, blame should be on them and their acceptance of collective beliefs systems that hinder their empowerment.
Nothing in reality today stops us from doing what we want except for our preconceived mind blockages. Think about all the shoulds and should nots we have in our feminine heads transmitted generation after generation for centuries.
Let’s take marriage as an example: Past the teenage rebellious stage, how many women do not think about marriage? Here is what I believe: none. For centuries marriage was the only way for a woman to step into adulthood, have a social status and some form of adult acknowledgement. Besides, it was the only way to have some kind of rewarding utility, giving birth to the heir and heiress that a man would value.
We can delude ourselves by thinking that we are way beyond that, but no we are not. It is in the back of our head that the safety net, the ultimate goal for a woman is to secure a good marriage. We all witnessed the build up of anxiety in a family when a woman passes thirty, thirty five, and yet no marriage. As it is unacceptable today to say anything openly about this, we can be in denial, deluding ourselves by over investing a career. But we all know how powerful the unsaid can be, and it has a direct impact on any woman’s self-esteem.
Marriage today though, is not a necessity for any woman. Nor are children. Women can and should find their identity in their passion, whatever that may be. And it does not have to be in marriage and motherhood.
That being said, home for a man and a woman is to be together, is to care for one another, is to create from their fusion in love. Nothing feels more right than a loving relationship between a man and a woman, where both thrive and grow from this relationship. One can be as successful as can be, as wealthy as can be, there will still be a hole in that one’s life until a relationship gives meaning.
It is fine to go away from home to find one self; in fact it is probably necessary. But home is the place we belong to.
So building an identity for women, in opposition to men, is ultimately the wrong approach.
Men are much more advanced than we are in the path of acceptance of a new identity for women in the social picture. In private settings most men I know try their best to accommodate their wives’ life; they are all willing to make them happy. They truly want to please.
When you think about the involvement on men in the household in two generations, it is truly amazing. How many of us can say that they never saw their dad picking up a plate or changing a diaper, or helping with anything regarding the house except for so-called male duties (hard physical work such as hanging a picture, fixing a book shelf!)? I know you are laughing. In many families, the handyman is the woman, the cook is the man and so forth!
Anyway, in the collective belief system made from past stories where physical work was necessary for the survival of the family, these are men duties.
Isn’t it time we move on really? We still talk about horse power when we consider the engine capacity of a car, but we ride a car and no one thinks about horses anymore as mean of transportation. Relationships today between men and women are as far from what they were as a car is from a horse. Yet, our minds have not caught up.
Our preconceived ideas about us, about relationships, need a major update. And guess what, it depends on us, women!
It depends on our ability to acknowledge and respect who we are without looking consciously or not for a male approval.
It is no easy task though. We must dig out centuries of beliefs that do not serve us anymore.
Remember though that the stakes are high: if we are happy, men are happy, kids are happy.
On our well-being and self fulfillment depend everything, or I should say everybody else well-being and the very survival of our specie.
If you still doubt what I say, think about how sophisticated and complex our feminine needs are. We are not willingly complex and sophisticated in such a way that puzzles a lot of men because we want to be annoying. We just are that way because of our physical body that is programmed to bear another human being.That ability has a tremendous impact on who we are, and is at the source of the distinction between a man and a woman. Do you seriously expect that anyone but another woman can comprehend and understand women’s complex needs?
So hang on Ladies, search for solutions within your selves. Men will follow.
It is as simple as that… in theory!
For an audio version click here Audio Recording Men are not To Blame