There is lot to learn from this amazing time when you have found your mate; you are still discovering each other and excitement is ruling your life.
Just thinking about that time lifts you up: lack of energy is gone.
What is passion exactly? It may not be easy to describe, as it is a feeling. There are three components characteristic of passion:
Although the third factor is by far the most important one, I will develop following the order above.
Some culture favor newness more than others. In Asia for instance, from what I have seen in Singapore, Bangkok or Hong-Kong what is new is necessarily to be tried. In France there is some kind of suspicion attached to newness. And unless it gets enough social approval, newness in general is rejected.
In terms of relationships though, we all vibrate for something new that makes us feel good. Our natural curiosity thrives with anything unknown. The discovery process triggered is a fascinating and irresistible road.
Not all that is new is created equal though. The new must be known to be pleasant. That means that we have enough information to process what is new. If it is totally unknown it becomes frightening.
The beginning of a relationship is amazingly exciting because it sustains the excitement without ever being frightening. The partner has this newness that challenges our imagination. The new then becomes potential, and women are far savvier in diving into potential than men. What most men do not realize at the time of this passionate state is that most women are already four steps forward. Very early in the relationship she imagines what kind of husband, father her partner could be. What he imagines is totally different: he pictures his partner with this ongoing burning desire for him. He dreams of her being ecstatic about him in the long run.
The good or bad thing depending how we see it, is that none of them shares his or her dreams with the other yet. This passionate is too good to be spoiled yet.
It is new anyway; we have plenty of time.
Chemistry is major factor sustaining this passionate state. Biochemistry is the primary factor because it fuels the desire. All kinds of sensors are in alert and all senses are responsive. Hormonal systems on both sides work full speed creating an addictive desire for the other. The mind is fully in agreement so everything is memorized to trigger these good feelings. This is why we unconsciously build memories over places we have been to, songs we listened to, fragrances, and skin sensations. Anything is memorized so perception can reconnect with the feelings associated as soon as the view, the smell, the touch and the earring can bring back these memories.
This is why passion fuels romance for months and sometimes years. Unconscious recollection is at the base.
None of the above would kick in though if there were not at the source a burning desire. This is one more confirmation that mind drives everything else.
If it were not for desire we would mate with anybody from the opposite sex regardless of who it is. We would just follow a matching smell that shows synchronicity of hormonal stage to insure successful copulation. This would be far from romance.
The desire here is a combination of multiple desires that makes it so powerful.
Let’s give a list of these: the desire to feel good about oneself, the need to be accepted, the desire to be loveable, the desire to be touched lovingly, the desire of the fusion of sex, the desire to be important, the desire to be necessary, the desire to grow and procreate.
All these desires make our core identity: our self-confidence depends on the fulfillment of these desires. And more importantly our happiness depends on that.
This is why I doubt the fact that singles are happy. There is a missing link to unlock access to their own self.
When this desire is transmuted into love, you have access to yourself to become a better you. The other is not only a support but also a mirror, forcing you to go beyond what you see.
What is important to remember here is that passion is based on desires that have very little to do with the other.
It is driven by the absolute necessity for us to feel good at some point about ourselves.
We are looking unconsciously for the partner that will fill gaps in our love tank. What love teaches us though is that love gaps are filled from within. Unless you truly love yourself you can’t love anybody else.
Passion will hide this truth but not for long.
It is therefore critical to understand the fact that any loving interaction with someone else is first a loving interaction with oneself.
When passion fades only you can decide to reignite it. The best way to do that is to find something and not someone you can be passionate about. Most likely your passion will fulfill you at a deep level: your being will expand and you will be able to experience love at a deeper level.
This energy will motivate you to express more love and therefore attract more love. And more importantly it will drive your life.
Those who look for another passionate relationship to feel good are misled by the illusion that long lasting passion is outside of them.
True passion is from within. It is fueled by something we do that makes us feel good. Usually passion is meant to be and brings excellence. Talent is nothing more than acknowledged passion.
True love between two people starts when one is able to see, respect and foster the other’s passion.
Too often a partner’s passion is perceived with skepticism or defiance. This only reflects insecurity and lack of self-confidence. There is no reason to feel threatened by your loved one’s passion if you have your own. On the contrary, your support is essential to your partner’s success because only you are here to motivate your loved one when doubts arise, when comfort is needed. Your encouragement is priceless.
Give it freely. Passion is contagious!