Money is a primary subject for arguments in a couple. Most men don’t understand the way women spend money. Most women do not understand men’s spending either. How many times have I heard women telling me their frustration over the fact that their husband would complain about their “superficial” spending such as flowers for example when they do not hesitate to buy a new phone, a bike, or computer or anything else that costs many times more. At the end all these discussions come down to one fact: who makes money? Or I should say who makes the most money.
The main breadwinner has some rights regarding to how and where goes the money. As men, once more, have a long history of being breadwinners they know really well how to take advantage of it; and they are really savvy in playing the guilt card on their wife’s spending with a double standards rating.
What my experience has shown in the western world is that, outside household expenses, women mostly spend for the benefit of the whole family when men spend for themselves. Women need to justify their spending when men don’t.
Asia on that end is really different: in many ways relationships still follow traditional rules. Divorce is an exception, and the deal is this: men have to make money and money belongs to both as if she had worked for it. In everybody’s mind though, she has worked for it because she is taking care of the household and the children. Therefore she has the same rights on money spending and there is no guilt whatsoever. It goes even further: if he tells her anything about her spending, shame on him because that means he is not capable to make enough money for his own wife.
In the western world things are radically different and all comes to a simple equation where the provider is king…. or queen!
But as of now the main money maker in a couple is usually the man, so it is important to give him some clues that will help pacify his home.
All comes from the fact that men and women have different perspectives: when men see the big picture, women see the depth of it, a 3D version of the picture if you will.
The direct consequence of this is that many decisions made by women are beyond the scope of rational reasoning men are capable of.
Let’s talk about the results though. This vision of things is what makes your environment both pleasant and comfortable. This ability to see beyond the obvious is what keeps you and your family healthy, happy with a strong sense of home.
A home without a woman’s touch is as sexy and inviting as an excel sheet.
Don’t get me wrong, excel sheets are wonderful to do sophisticated sorting, calculations, algorithms. But life through excel is not life or it would be deeply boring.
As I made my own algorithm on excel for my long awaited website that hopefully you will soon see, I marveled on how much can be done with excel; and I know that I have only seen the tenth of it! Life, though is everything but excel: life is unpredictable, subtle, uneven, and everything but square! There is no such thing as two perpendiculars in real life: life is subjective, undefined, changing and rich. Women are often said to be unpredictable: they have a close relationship with life and a deeper understanding of what life is all about.
Let’s take flowers for example as a money spending rarely understood by men. Flowers in a home may seem as the superficial, useless and irrelevant spending. Well this could not be more wrong. Flowers have this ability to bring subtle energies into a place; they also have the aptitude to catch lower energies so they do not affect us. Flowers are particularly important in environments where disconnection with nature is paramount, they remind us the value of life and the cycle of evolution.
Men are so busy “hunting” that they do not see these subtle things along their way. Women do. Not only they notice, but also they have to pay close attention because it is part of their essence. So whether it is consciously or not women buy flowers for the pleasure of their eyes and also because they connect us to what is beyond us.
If men started to respect and trust their wife’s’ choices, money would never be a war tool in a relationship. Women are no brain free birds with little sense of money’s value. They have a better understanding of what money truly is, and they can teach you to enjoy your life now instead of postponing the enjoyment until a condition is met.
Listen to them, gentlemen, you will be surprised. History has shown that women have an extraordinary ability to cope in difficult times: many women during world war II took over their missing husband’s, father’s business, farm and they knew very well how to count and manage money.
Stop treating them as if they were immature kids regarding money. Ask them why when something does not make sense to you. Don’t let your own insecurity step in: your pseudo objectivity is nothing more than another subjectivity that highly depends on the unknown.
Take instead this opportunity to learn from this extraordinary connection women have with the unseen. You might find a wealth there that you do not suspect.
Women spend wisely. Their wisdom is unknown to you. That’s all.
Revenge spending has nothing to do with that: it is purely a crying call for attention. Another post on that soon.