Ok, in the western world, women situation is not that bad: they can vote. They can study, work, aim for the top positions politically and in business organizations. The reality though is in the numbers
Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO, talks much better than me about these numbers and I really invite you to view the video below.
The reality is that working women with children are not only consumed with guilt, they also feel a pressure that men don’t have: the pressure I am talking about is the one resulting from their physical appearance and their ability to seduce and convince.
It is hard to change patterns that have been going on for decades. The lack of self-confidence in most women stems from the fact that, for a very long time, women have been seen through men’s eyes.
I was looking at the TV show Bewitched with my daughter the other day. And suddenly I understood why unconsciously I had banned all pink and girlies stuff for my daughter, who, as a result, has never played dolls, princess or anything like that. I guess I have always known that this was a fraud.
I find it difficult shopping for gifts for girls because I do not want to feed into this debilitating, servile drive to confine women in an obedient domestic role.
If we want the male female interaction to change, it has to start in education. It has to start in our homes. Who would offer a doll or an ironing board to a boy? Who would offer cars or power symbols to a girl?
My little son who is five, loved to dress up a baby doll neglected by my daughter, but very soon peer pressure taught him that it is not cool to do so for a boy: it is a girl thing!
How long more learning to care for others will stay a primarily girl thing? Most of the best teachers my kids have had were male teachers; they were all very diligent about teaching respect between genders, teaching girls and boys to work together.
It is stunning to me to see how it is, here in California. From a very early age, boys are encouraged to socialize with boys only and idem for girls. How come we don’t see how deeply wrong this is? Women and men are very different, so are boys and girls. This is the reason why we need to put more effort to make sure they understand in a respectful way one another.
When I finished the equivalent of fifth grade in France, I changed school to start my middle school years. I was among twenty two other girls the first generation of female students in a fifty years old boy school. To “survive” in that male environment, we all had to review our behaviors and our way of thinking. We had to be as good as the boys in games that they had been playing for a long time, and that were new to us. Personally, it was not difficult, I loved boys games; I found them much more fun than anything the girls did.
That experience probably shaped me much more than I have ever been aware of. I guess my initial interest for male’s mind rooted there.
I believe today that we need to create a balanced communication between men and women. This is what my website will be about: PeaceReminder will be this bridge that makes understandable for men what women truly want in their relationship.
But we need to restore healthy women relationships. The insecurity most women feel, hinder their relationship not only with men but also with women. As a result, women are not helping one another the way they could.
By the time we will have reached complete male female equality in home and childcare duties, we might as well be dead as it is not going to spread overnight. Collective patterns are very hard to change. So before we blame men for not changing fast enough, we should review our own behaviors first.
As I said in a previous post ” Are working women the root of the problem” , we need more and more women in the work force, especially in leading positions. Personal fulfillment is also key for most women, and this is healthy. It is healthy for them and for the world, because it fosters ethics and values in the business world. A woman who has children will be less likely to make decisions that could potentially harm her children in the long run.
This is what the world need.
So not only we would benefit to have more women in leading positions, we would benefit even more if these women had a fulfilling personal life. The whole work place would be transformed.
For that we must support one another. We should not feel threatened by the appearance or the success of another woman. We are not in competition anymore to get the full attention of a male for our sake and future. Our daughters will seize the opportunity that was offered to us, to be fully financially independent from the start: they will choose their male partner because they want a fulfilling personal life, not because they have to.
Raising children should be part of the process in a manageable way. I keep repeating post after post that a day is 24 hours no matter what. It is unsustainable to ask a woman to have two, sometimes three jobs a day. You know that I am adamant about domestic help, believing it is a necessity to keep all sanity. I also think that more women interactions would lower the stress level of many. Women benefit from talking to one another. Even John Gray in his last book, Mars on Ice Venus on Fire, says so. Never, in human history raising a child has fallen on the shoulders of one person only. If you take a look at traditional communities, as soon as they are weaned, children are raised by the entire community.
So what are we waiting for to increase the mutual help we can offer? Why is there so few carpool for example?
Here is my explanation:
Women after freeing themselves more or less successfully from a male tutorial system, have submit to the dictatorship of their own children. They let who they should guide be the guidance. They follow their kids’ agenda relentlessly.
I am close to believe that there is a conspiracy to make sure that women will never reach their full potential.
Once you have a child these days, know that crystal is easier to take care of.
You, the mother, are responsible for his health, his mental health, his development, his growth, his attitude. And just a bit like the couple hours embryo is a human being with full rights, know that the child is a mini adult with full rights. In fact this child has more rights than you, the mother, do. He can traumatize you by driving you insane but you can’t take any measures of retorsion because this is bad parenting. This child needs to express himself, he needs to be heard, he needs to be acknowledged every minute, even if this child has no sense of boundaries and steps over your personal space repeatedly.
A child is self-centered, which is part of the process of being a child. As a result he is completely selfish, and that selfishness should be weeded out if we want to eventually make a responsible and caring adult out of that child.
Children are not those fragile creatures, easily traumatized that most parenting lecturers will claim they are: if that were so we would not exist. How could our grandparents or even our parents have coped with the dreadful childhood they had when they were not seen nor heard?
Children are growing beings who need love and assistance until their brain is fully developed.
So can we stop pretending that these little beings have the ability to decide for themselves. The worse is teenage years. It seems that the more research is being done on these transitional years the less common sense we are using. Teenagers are deceiving because very quickly they look like grown-ups even if their brain is still a child’s brain. How can we expect a teenager to make the right decision for his own sake when he does not have the brain to do so?
So we don’t carpool because the child does not want to, because it is not fun for him.
Are we all mad???
We should not let children rule our lives. It is detrimental for us and for them. Please see my other post children should come after your couple.
Ladies friends, the alternative is this: either we find a way to bring back balance in our lives or we stop having children altogether.
For those of us who already have children, there is no alternative: we must find a way!
Women, get together, be kind to one another, make your life easier, help one another, so you can express your potential. Have no fear, other women and many men will be here to cheer you.