Romance comes initially from the times of chivalry when ladies were totally depending on men. And it is really strange to me that women in 2011 still beg for romance when they can have this true independence that entitles them to a grown up love.
I deeply believe that if women had not been immersed in fairy tales stories from an early age, they would not be so demanding.
These fairy tales, distorted by Disney, are there to teach lessons over feminine and masculine side within one person. This is the only reason why it is still relevant to read them today.
Disney has wiped off the symbolic around them. It leads little girls to believe that Prince Charming, the highly romantic, almost psychic male figure is the norm.
Nobody bothers to notice that all the famous fairy tales finish at the wedding, with a wonderful sentence such as “they lived happily ever after”.
If that is a recipe for happiness, no wonder so many couples don’t make it through!
Kindness, care, deep love is not romance. Romance is an artifact that showed love to women at a time when their very existence depended on how they were viewed, first by their father, then by their husband.
Isn’t it about time we drop that?
It puts a huge pressure on men that they have less and less time and energy to cope with, and it is deeply unfair.
Men are not programmed to care about these things past the seduction process. It is a huge effort for them to remember; it is never spontaneous. Does that mean that they are unable to love a woman once they have secured the deal?
No, of course not! Men are amazing lovers who go well beyond sex to show their love and care for a woman.
It is wrong to consider that most women are as tacky as Barbie dolls, and that most men only think about sex.
Women do like flowers, beautiful settings, sweet words and so on. Men do like sex much more than most women. That does not define them though.
Both men and women are much more than that, and we would all gain in searching into the depth of the other gender. We would definitely learn a lot.
In sinking as deep as possible into men’s mind to create Peacereminder.com, it was striking to me to see how much I learnt. Men are straightforward, efficient in many ways, quick in action. And I became a better person in learning to apply their pragmatism.
Men and women are different and both perspectives are complementary. Romance, the way it is understood today, ridicules men as well as women, without addressing the needs of anyone.
The only reason why men seem to suffer less in most relationships is that they are used to rely emotionally on themselves first. They have thousands of years of experience when we, women, have a little over forty years.
Most women have been raised to be defined through a male. For a long time, their value and self worth only depended on their capacity to be successful in the domestic field (marriage and children).
When you think about it, since when it is ok for a woman to be single, independent financially and happy?
It seems to me that it is very new.
I have come to believe that fulfillment for a woman comes from feeling special, when men need to feel powerful.
I also believe that fulfillment comes from oneself first and should not be sought in someone else.Bottom line: start to be happy with yourself first, before searching happiness elsewhere.
We, women have little experience of that, and we are still in the learning process. This is the best route for true happiness in a relationship.
Romance becomes then a bonus, not a prerequisite.
There is much more to a relationship between a man and woman than the simplistic interaction we have known for centuries.
So ladies, build your self-esteem on your own first. This is the best way to switch on the seduction mode in men, which is the only time they can easily be romantic.