Passion is temporary. The grass is not greener on the other side. Infidelity is always deceiving. The chill you have, the heart beat, the energy you suddenly have in front of an affair may be worth living for a short time, but know that this magical other being is nothing more or less than your current partner.
Two reasons for that:
1. Whether you like it or not, unless you have worked on yourself, you are attracted by the same type of partner, with the same flaws. And it won’t be long before you realize that. This is one of the main reasons why divorce rates increase after the first marriage: check this out for more data on divorce rates.
Mr. or Mrs. New Partner is a disguised replica of former Mr. or Mrs. Partner in what you don’t like. It is only a matter of time (for passion to wane) for you to become aware.
2. You are sinking deep into a myriad of troubles that will affect everybody, you included. Either you endure the stress level of keeping it secret, and with life as it is today, how much more stress can you truly handle before falling? Or your partner happens to find out either from you, or worse from someone else, and then it will be extremely difficult to heal the wound created by this betrayal. If you have children, they will be in the front row to witness the collapse of your couple with all emotional traumas that go with it. When adults are hurt, badly hurt, don’t expect them to be in control: the primary reflex of anyone who has been hurt is to hurt back. Pain eventually leaves but when it is felt, it blurs everything else including the protection of the children.
In one sentence, this is the best way to jeopardize your relationship with little hope of recovery.
Why infidelity is appealing then up to the point that sites like AshleyMadison.com are really successful?
From a woman perspective, for me it is very clear: a woman is tempted only if she feels a deep vacuum in her relationship. In other words she does not feel loved, she feels neglected. A husband who travels a lot for example, may be unaware that each trip increases the neglect feel of his wife. He may be traveling that much to make sure he provides for her; nevertheless she will feel neglected if he does not do the small things she needs to feel loved. Then a romantic affair can make her feel worth again: she is special to someone again.
She is then misled into this sexual relationship that has no other meaning for her than making her feel alive and worth of something. What she does not realize then is that a man who is not there to give love manipulates her. That man quickly learns to make the right promises to keep things going on until he is tired of it. Promises, especially the ones that are not honored, don’t cost much to the one who makes them.
From a male perspective, I suspect it is nothing more than another need that has become a craving. A faithful man can be tempted to cheat if he has had no sex life in his couple for a long time. Whether we like it or not, men need to have sex, it is biological. Of course as they grow older the need is not as urging, but it is still there, because their virility in their mind depends on that. The second reason a man can be tempted to cheat, is the power he suddenly would feel in a new relationship. He’d be needed and appreciated like the ultimate guy…for some time only.
If women knew how empowering this is for men to feel like the ultimate guy, they would not neglect their needs the way they do shortly after passion is gone.
Similarly, if men realized how important and critical it is for their wife to feel special, they would not take for granted what she does for him soon after a few years sharing her daily life.
What both gender forget when they slide into infidelity, is that a cheater is a cheater. What this cheater has done with you, he or she can easily do it again with someone else, at your expenses. This is one of the reasons trust is so difficult to restore in a relationship when betrayal has occurred.
Your partner for many years may be doing mistakes with you. He or she may not understand what you think you’re claiming out loud.
But this partner has been sharing your life with all its challenges; this partner has always been there, maybe not the way you wanted, but she or he has been with you, next to you, sharing bad and good moments with you. At one time, you decided that he or she was the one for you. Life events do change us but the foundation of what made you choose him or her remains.
Restore efficient communication with your partner and try to address what would make you want to look elsewhere. If you speak the right language, he or she will be willing to change for you, because your speech will be from a place of love, true love. So in return you will receive love.
That is the real solution to the void you feel in your relationship.
Soon PeaceReminder.com will help you communicate efficiently if you are willing to take that road.
If you can’t do that, be brave, just leave and bear the consequences. Don’t cheat: not only you will hurt somebody, but you will also deceive yourself.
Life is short, don’t waste it with deceiving lures.