What a long-term relationship is usually lacking is time. Having “secured” that relationship, the couple’s attention is slowly but surely drifting elsewhere. Daily routine, and other concerns finish to distract you from nurturing your couple. You are both doing your best to increase your income, to improve your home, to get your child in the right school, etc…
It is particularly true when children come into the picture.
After the initial joy and amazement of having a child of your own, the child grasps her full attention and your energy. Responsibilities now lead your life without much place for anything else.
And your conversations with your partner become quickly as fun as board meetings.
You, gentlemen, have the amazing ability to swap from work to anything else fairly quickly.
As you have probably noticed with your female partner, we, women, are unable to sit and stop unless we have done everything we think we are supposed to do, which is pretty much everything around the home.
Some women deal with mess better than others but overall, keep in mind that most women hate living in a mess. And they will use the last bit of their energy to handle the last laundry or tidy up the family room. Whether this is bad or not does not matter, this is a fact.
The consequence is that romance in the bedroom is less likely to happen… either gentlemen, you will get a boring feedback of the day or you will see yourself discussing about banking matters or errands to do for the next day. And don’t even think about sex, because when a woman is in her mind she is rarely elsewhere.
Consider the woman’s mind as an engine that takes time to slow down. You need to slow it down if you want your relationship to have fun…again.
Because you did have fun… Remember the first X years you were together?
Handling laundry, cleaning, dinner or any other chore does not slow her mind, in fact it speeds it up because she is constantly thinking about what she can do to optimize things in order to have less work the next day.
The only way to slow her mind is to give her a break, a true break.
Although more and more women do that out of desperation, most women can’t drop everything as is, and leave the house to get some time off. Guilt would be running at them before they close the door.
Most of them think that you, gentlemen, are unable to manage the household without them. You would certainly not manage it the way she would, but I am sure you would manage it.
The point is though, that you don’t want her to take time off without you. This is not a good sign…
What you want is to take some time off with her, and make it fun for her so she wants to renew the experience. Ignition! The flame for you is lit again, and her soft loving side is ready to emerge.
Isn’t that worth the few hundred dollars you would spend to give her housekeeping help or nanny help?
When you consider the emotional cost of going home to be with a boring partner, and the financial costs of a separation/divorce soon to come, believe me, help is worth it…big times.
And don’t tell me she says that she does not need help, that she is all right. If you want her gentle self and her libido to be back to life, get some domestic help!
If she tells you that she is not comfortable to have someone in her house, find someone discreet who will follow her directions to the letter. Once her mind switches from alert mode to relax mode, she will be deeply grateful.
I know that this costs money. This is an expense that you should consider compulsory if you want to reduce your wife’s stress level substantially. Do you remember what you were ready to do to conquer her? I know that then most likely you did not have a mortgage, car payments, and Cost Centre #1… (Thank you Mrs. Moneypenny from the Financial Times!).
Try to find the budget and you will find the budget!
Getting some free time for her and for you to reconnect as a couple is essential.
Let me go further: even though recession is not the best time for that type of suggestion, I feel the urge to tell you what will truly keep your couple alive and vibrant for many years even through the worst challenges: take a week off, ideally ten days with her per year. I know it is a lot in a country like the US where people barely take two weeks of vacation a year. Once again you will strengthen your couple to an extent you can’t even imagine.
What about the kids? Well, it is even more necessary if you have children. Believe me both you and the children will benefit. Find them a safe camp, ask the grandparents, choose whatever you feel comfortable with, and do it.
She will not be happy at first and most likely she will be crying the first few hours in the car or the plane, consumed by a guilt feeling. The first two days you might be recovering from the stress of the trip, you might be obsessed with calling home. Some of you might even consider going back home.
Please take a non- refundable trip that will make you stay. After these two days, you will start looking at each other differently; you will feel this exciting feeling of being out of your normal routine. You will soon love the fact that you have time for your self, and after the fourth day you will be ready to share things and time with one another. And your couple will have a fresh start.
I bet you that you will come back saying that it was fantastic and that you will do it next year!