You want to make the argument as short as possible and lower the volume, follow these rules!

  1. She needs your attention… badly. That means that she either needs you to talk to her nicely, spend time with her, or do something with/for her.
  2. She will scream. Don’t take it personal: despite the screaming, listen carefully to what she says as there lies the clue to find what she truly wants. And what she wants might be much simpler than what you think it is.
  3. Tell her you feel sorry she is so hurt. It does not mean you accept to be responsible; it means that you acknowledge what she feels.
  4. This will stop the strong temptation to hurt you as bad as she feels hurt. Revenge is a false self-soothing reflex that does a lot of damage in any relationship without ANY positive consequences.
  5. Look at her when she talks and stop whatever you were doing. The time you will eventually save is huge, and she will calm down much quicker.
  6. Even if you think she is deadly wrong in what she says, let her talk without being interrupted. Remember that at this point you are in control and she is not. She is totally overwhelmed by her feelings and unable to hear your rational point of view. Save it for when she is calm later: you will be listened to and heard.
  7. Whenever you can anticipate that something will upset her, talk to her about it before she initiates the talk. There will be less built up frustration.
  8. Don’t try to summarize by going straight to what she is upset about. Believe it or not, her chat is relieving …for her.
  9. Ask for what would help her feel better. This is the question that will help her “solve” the problem; and we all know that this is most stress relieving for you.

Always remember that all you need in your home is peace. Do what it takes to make it happen.