The devil is in the details. We all know that, don’t we?
This is particularly true when it comes to relationships when they start being long-term.
While men are generally not that sensitive to details, women on the other hand drown themselves into the details.
For those of you who have a male partner who already knows how to care about details, most likely you are married with a perfectionist. Praise his attention to details, even if at times, it can really be annoying.
Amy from London sent me her story that illustrates really a widely shared situation, when he overlooks details that matter to her:
The couple is back from a three-day week-end rather romantic. This week-end was really welcome for her because she had been on her own with her three children after being really sick.
They come back on Sunday evening to find one of their children sick. On Monday child number 2 is also sick, and must be brought back from school. And she has to work as well, because she works from home.
That day is very busy for him, and he has a business dinner.
When he comes back home at 9pm, he goes straight to the TV, then to the kids’ room, and finally he goes to her.
She is hurt because she does not feel special. She tells him how hurt she feels to come last, and then she stops talking to him. He first tries to talk, and meeting no response he goes to bed. She leaves the house to take some fresh air, way too upset to go to bed next to him.
Here is how I view this situation:
I could bet that she would have been on his way to the TV, he would have said hello to her first. She would have been happy then, even if, in truth, there is no difference: when he comes home, all he thinks about is relaxing, so whoever comes first takes the lead.
He never meant to hurt her, and he is surprised by her reaction. He thinks the week-end has placed him at 10 on the love scale of long-term relationship, and that he can legitimately count on that to soften the edges. He does not insist nor apologizes, and chooses to go to bed.
Obviously from her reaction, it is important for her. She has had a tough day and she does not want to feel like the last shoe on his list. She sees his embarrassment but she is too upset to talk it out. She chooses to leave the house and take some fresh air … while he sleeps.
However you look at it, this is a detail. Remember though that the devil is in the details. Gentlemen, pay attention to details. They may not matter to you, but they are critical for your female partner.
Ladies, look at the big picture. And teach him what details truly matter to you. Don’t do that in the heat of the moment because surely the message will not get through. The next day, when you have had time to think about a different perspective, write to him. Emails are the best way to be understood, especially if you are straight to the point. Don’t be sharp, simply concise.
It is always a good idea to take some air and leave the scene when the heat rises.
Never overlook the detail that can create a massive misunderstanding with your life partner.
Hope this helps!