One of the first complaints women have about their male partner is that they are not sharing enough what matters to them.
I was told recently that for men talking to their wife is a sign of weakness so they have not been taught to share.
In the last forty years the world has evolved more than in one century, we all have come to understand that many things that were taught are irrelevant today.
Isn’t it about time we go beyond these preconceived ideas carried from past times?
Most men are ready to share with the one they love and respect as long as they are not pushed to do so.
One of the most important understandings in a relationship is timing. Timing is everything.
Men physiologically need to relax before they can talk about what bothers them. We, on the contrary, need to talk immediately in order to be able to relax. There is not one coping mechanism over the other that is better: it is just the way it is.
If we, women, could refrain from the urge we all have to ask what is wrong when our partner comes back with a long face, we would allow him to respect his own rhythm. And he would certainly share what worries him later in the evening.
The reason why we are so keen to ask in the first place is that we feel the discomfort immediately, and it triggers anxiety.
What I have learnt over the years in my relationship with my husband is that sharing anxiety is not only useless but also detrimental. Let me explain.
Contrary to popular belief, one’s anxiety has nothing to do with anyone else: the partner’s attitude acts as a catalyst for a reaction that goes within one’s brain. What we imagine takes over, and becomes our reality.
Since our imagination in this case, does not take us in a pleasant place. We ought to do everything we can to “fix” this.
As a result we need to talk out our own stress and we engage him in a conversation that he does not want or need.
Wrong timing. Nothing good can come out from that conversation and you are lucky if it does not end up in an argument.
Both men and women would gain a lot if they respected each other’s rhythm: just like we, women, are not ready for sex in a blink of an eye, men are not ready to talk in the urge of our needs.
Ladies, let him relax before you dig for information, and deal with your stress with a girlfriend, your mother, your sister or who ever you feel comfortable to talk to when anxiety rises.
He will talk to you when his stress level is lower.
At that point you will have a fruitful, constructive conversation that will deepen the love and respect you have for each other.
True love is about understanding the other even for what we perceive as weaknesses, and helping that other.