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By January 25, 2012 0 Comments Read More →

What is the point of understanding that which is different?

Our body is programmed to reject what is different unless it is identified and processed. Our mind is no different.

Processing means that we have enough understanding of what defines the other.

Many problems between men and women stem from the fact that one believes that he knows the other gender when mostly the concepts around that gender are either outdated or preconceived ideas formed after a very superficial observation.

If feminists have served the cause of women in many ways by raising awareness over the unfair treatment most women had, and still have in lots of places throughout the world, I don’t think it is now the right road to take.

In many countries unfairness is still rampant but I believe that unfairness will cease when both genders have a clear understanding of the other, and therefore be able to manage their expectations and their fears.

Confrontation, although very popular because it gives a false sense of belonging, leads nowhere: at the end both parties are damaged.

It is the easy route though: rejection and victimization are the choice of those who don’t want to go further, who don’t want to understand.

The real road, the one that leads us to be a better person, goes through making space for the unknown, making space and accepting what is different.

The reason it makes us better people is that we then have a better understanding of ourselves and we also have the awareness of the big picture, the one that goes way beyond us.

And this is reality. Whether we like it or not, we are all interconnected to an extent that we don’t even contemplate. Globalization is nothing more than the consequence of that.

The more we make the effort to understand, the less scary it is.

Long-term relationships collapse if one or both stop trying to understand.

Earlier I mentioned that the goal is management of expectations and fears. If expectations are clear, fears may not be. So many attitudes are just the result of fear, fear of losing control, fear of not being loved, fear of being betrayed, fear of being alone, etc…

Fears only come from imagination and anticipation. Imagination roots in our beliefs system that we wrongly presume to be knowledge. Beliefs are static: they are based on collective memory and personal memory. The world evolves constantly as well as we do; and men and women are different from what they were yesterday, and different from what they will be tomorrow. Therefore we should always question our beliefs to make sure we update them.

Unconsciously I chose a life where my beliefs would constantly be challenged. Even if I find it sometimes difficult and unsettling, I would not want another life. It is absolutely fascinating to see that the highly revered scientific theory of relativity applies everywhere to everyone. Reputation and credential you have here have little or no value there. What matters there does not matter here.

The bottom line of this: Never presume you know; always be curious. Expect to change, it is all fine.

Many men fear they will lose their soul or their virility if they explore the female world. What they don’t understand is that part of them is female. If they investigate and understand better the female side, not only they will improve their relationship with all women but they will also have a better understanding of themselves. They will discover tools they did not suspect they had.

Women should stop associating femininity to weakness. If the business world still vastly follows male rules, more and more women reach to the top. And the years to come will see these rules reviewed, reconsidered and eventually changed.

I know how important it is for men to feel powerful so these changes may look frightening. But the truth is that the nature of their power will change not the power itself. The shift will be from absolute power to controlled power.

Absolute power fosters competition, greed and selfishness. Controlled power on the contrary works for the benefit of the whole community: it nurtures ethics and healthy competition for innovation.

In addition women do not seek power. They want to feel special, really special. They want to make a difference. If they have the possibility to be listened to and acknowledged without reaching out for power, they will not even challenge the men there.

A balanced couple is a good example on a smaller scale of all the wonderful benefits everybody in the family gets from a true collaboration between a man and a woman.

Challenge your beliefs whatever they are, and install new beliefs that will serve you and your relationship better.

Learn to navigate in the depths of the female side, this is where true creativity stems.

 

About the Author:

Anne is the author of Happily Ever After In The Real World and the founder of EZcouple.com. She focuses on long distance relationships and life improvement.

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