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By October 21, 2011 1 Comments Read More →

Why men need to do much more to have a fulfilling sex life with their wife

Libido declines in all women as they age, especially once they have had children. It is biological!

Let me add a few words about how the medical staff does not pay enough attention to women after they have given birth. If women are watched like boiling milk when they are pregnant, once the baby (ies) are born, nobody seems to care anymore. Her body is going through major hormonal shifts, huge energy is spent to bring every cell back to normal. As a result most women are depleted in essential vitamins and minerals after giving birth. And if she breastfeeds, she is even more depleted. Her hormonal system has been working full speed for a long period. It needs to be restored.

And side effects of giving birth are so subtle before they become major, that nobody, including the busy mother, bothers to look into reshaping her body.

What that has to do with her wanting to have sex? It has everything to do with it, because her fatigue, her hormonal imbalance are the primary cause of her lack of interest in sexual intercourse.

Both men and women have two major factors affecting our sexuality: the body’s hormonal system, and the mind.

The body’s hormonal system obeys to the need to conceive. And it should be well working at least until menopause for every woman. Unfortunately, hormonal balance is fragile and many things can disrupt it, among which stress.

The mind is turned to seek sexual pleasure under specific circumstances.

Here once again, men and women are not created equal. Men’s hormonal system is much more stable throughout life. And men’s mind is easily geared on that level, mainly because their body is programmed to conceive almost until his death.

Stress affects libido in both male and female. But female are more prone to drop all desire for sex than men.

In a long-term relationship, what matters is that you are both on the same page. You might well find pleasure elsewhere. And it is perfectly fine.

I still believe though, that sexual intercourse is a way to bring close intimacy in a relationship that benefits both partners. Moreover it helps fight aging and keeps you healthy and vibrant.

Therefore, even if it is not a priority in most women, their partner should do their best to maintain regular sexual intimacy.

Let’s start by assuming that she is physically attracted to you, her partner. If she has been with you for some time there must some kind of physical attraction.

What may be surprising for you to know is that her libido highly depends on how she feels about herself. That does not mean that there is nothing to be done on your side, dear Gentlemen.

Let me explain further.

A woman, once she has children, has an acute awareness of her body, and her sex appeal. She has seen her body change; she has more or less struggled to get back to her “normal” body. Then suddenly, the first lines kick in, tonicity is not as it used to be and she is the first one to notice all this. If she had anything she was not happy about before, it is exacerbated. And she might not feel attractive and sexy. It can be anything from pounds impossible to lose, to that big breast that you, her husband, find incredibly sexy. If she does not feel comfortable with her big breast, even the fact that you like it will have no effect on her.

Women at this stage of their lives have a unique, personal way to feel sexy, hence to be turned on.

My only advice here is, trust her. If she tells you that she hates this or that in her body, it truly affects her ability to share sexual intimacy with you. If she wants to fix it with plastic surgery, encourage her do so. It will change your sexuality for the better.

One of the things that amazes me most regarding plastic surgery, is that even the most health oriented women I know will not hesitate one second to use anything from Botox or breast implants, or breast reduction, to face lift to look better…in their own eyes! That tells you how important her own appearance is for any woman!

Why then, will you ask, there are so many women around forty having an affair? They must have their libido awaken then! Yes they do. What brings it out? Newness! He is new; he does not know her body as well as you do. She can still hide, in her eyes, what she does not like about herself, and she throws herself in the seduction process that blurs all reality. Once again, she is young, beautiful, sexy… and careless!

Although an affair is the best way to throw yourself in a deep maze of troubles, both men and women can be tempted when their daily life is too stressful, too heavy to carry around. An affair gives the illusion of lightness because nothing matters really anymore: responsibilities are suddenly set aside, and a new energy is found in the mating process.

The good news is that if an affair can wake up her libido. That means that her libido is not dying.

This is where romance comes in. Seduction is the key word here: the guy, in the affair, is certainly romantic for he is in the “hunting process”. You can’t beat him with the newness; that is for sure. But you can win her sexy self again if you bring back memories that made her choose you for life. This is what romance in long lasting relationship is all about. These memories are priceless and they have a huge impact on any woman I know.

One important thing though: you should not bring back these memories without looking closely at the circumstances.

If you are in this outfit she does not like, and she is in the middle of fixing dinner, you will go nowhere. She needs to be open: a woman who has 300 things going on in her mind is not opened to awakening her libido! Your appearance as well as the time you choose to bring up the subject, are the determining factors for success.

Two consequences:

  1. Lower her stress level so she can be “open “ more often.
  2. Time for grooming guys!

You must take care of yourself to maintain any physical attraction. Bodies all look older as we age… more or less. The more you take care of your physical appearance, the more she will look at you. Laid back outfit, saggy clothes, sports clothes do not turn most women on.

Details that matter for women when she thinks of a man as a sexual partner, are smooth skin, good smell (make sure she likes your aftershave or perfume), clean look, well groomed hands and feet, and manners.

I am not talking about muscles because this is usually taken care of spontaneously by most men.

A simple shower before bedtime may change your first hours in bed…

Please don’t be offended. You might already be doing all that. Just be aware that in terms of cleanliness, women’s standards are much higher than men’s.

If you can’t be groomed all the time, it is particularly important to schedule special times with her when you will be groomed to her standards. She will start looking at you differently, and these special moments might be well worth your efforts!

 

 

 

 

About the Author:

Anne is the author of Happily Ever After In The Real World and the founder of EZcouple.com. She focuses on long distance relationships and life improvement.

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