Long-term couples face routine that is rarely glamorous; they are burdened by responsibilities, salaries, bank statements and mortgage payments. And all these do not leave much space for fun. So it is easy to associate your couple with all the daily challenges you now have to face.
It is also easy to blame your partner about what is wrong in your life.
The reason why we all look for a partner, besides the so-called biological need to have children, is because the true meaning of life is to be able to share with someone. Being with someone is a strong motivation to achieve more, to improve, to move forward. And that makes life fulfilling.
It is one thing to succeed professionally; it is one thing to succeed financially. But very quickly comes the question: “ why am I doing all this?” The deep meaning of your career, of your life is to build a relationship that you can rely on, that you can plan with, and that you can rest on.
It is the base of your personal life. It is the base of your emotional fulfillment and balance.
As we become older, life gets busier and busier while our energy level does not increase. We need to proactively do things to maintain our energy level on the long run.
Besides, life never fails to regularly teach us lessons that knock us down. With them, we grow and become better people, but there is no doubt that these life lessons also take a lot of energy from us.
Whenever life sends us one of these challenges that leave a mark, no one better than our partner can help us go through it, can help us stand up again. During these critical moments in your life when you lose faith in yourself, your partner’s love and support is what keeps you going, so that you eventually gain your self-confidence back.
No one knows you better than your long-term partner, not even your parents. Your parents know what you were as a child, an adolescent, but they don’t truly know what you have become. Your life partner does.
One says that in difficult times you know who your true friends are. Well first and foremost you know who your partner is; you know and feel the depth of the other’s love and care.
Whenever a couple feels they should separate after spending decades together, I so wished they could reflect back on what they went through together, on how each life event has made them a better, deeper person, and what part their partner played in that process.
I am not saying that all separations are unjustified and should not happen. But I am saying that very often, couples decide to separate for the wrong reasons
They follow the myth that elsewhere grass is greener, when in fact all they need is to take care of their own grass to make it greener.
Unfortunately, there is no immediate consequence in ignoring your couple’s needs. We all tend to overlook that essential part of our life.
When your couple falls ashtray though, in addition to the obvious financial consequences, the emotional distress is massive. This is one of the reasons why so many people going through a divorce choose to hate each other rather than facing the emotional void that would happen when they turn that page of their life.
The individualistic trend of our society gives us the illusion that we can be totally self-reliant: Women don’t need men. Men don’t need women. Moms don’t need Dads. We don’t need to socialize with neighbors. Etc…
If we don’t need to depend on one another, we do need to interact. Otherwise we shrink. On a larger scale, being with others is what makes us expand. It is what makes us feel alive and go beyond our own self.
Of course we all need individual time too. But life is far richer when you have someone with whom you can share important moments in your life.
Relationships are at the core of a human being experience. Your couple is the primary relationship of your adult life, nothing less.
A long-term relationship allows you to be truly yourself and grow from there. During the day at work, it is easy to have a mask and pretend to be so and so, but if you don’t want to lose yourself in that social masquerade, you’d better have someone at home who accepts to see the truth of you. More likely you will be able to get closer and closer to your life purpose then.
This is what leads to happiness.